Of all countries in the world to lecture us on immigration, Germany is the absolute last to have any rights in this department. The hypocrisy is mind numbing. Never mind the culling of foreigners, Jews, homosexuals, gypsies and the rest that took place just 70 years ago. Germany has built its post war Wirtschaftswunder on the backs of tens of thousands Turkish Gastarbeiter to whom they refused to give citizenship despite decades working in Germany and to whose children they even refused citizenship.  “Wir sind Kein immigrationsland” (“We are not a land for immigration”) Chancellor Kohl announced during the last wave of immigration during the collapse of communism in Eastern Europe. A law permitting immigration actually had to be passed as recently as 2004 in the wake of German reunification. And of course they are joined by France in the clarion calls for every EU member to shoulder the burden of immigration. And why? Is it pure coincidence that both countries were at the forefront of anti-semitism during the war.  The gestapo didn’t even have to help round up Jews in France. French poiice were only too willing to do it for them. Both nations remain. like the rest of central Europe, at the heart of racism and anti-semitism. The Gestapo could leave the rounding up to the police in both Hungary and Czechoslovakia. And now they are lecturing us on immigration! For hundreds of years Britain has welcomed immigrants. We built our empire with them. Seven in 10 men who served as ratings in Nelson’s navy were foreigners.  On one of the plinths in Trafalgar Square the face of negro (as they were known at the time) shares battle honours with a range of other people with assorted racial characteristics. So Germany has no right, no right whatsoever to lecture anyone on their need to take in more immigrants. Throughout its history it has rejected foreigners, the poor, the weak and even, at one point, the non-aryan for the sake of preserving the purity of their wretched, tainted blood. What a culture from which to take lectures on immigration! France and Germany may have to atone for their  appalling racist histories, as indeed they do, but let it stop at that. Please don’t lecture Britain, of all countries, on how many immigrants it needs to allow in.  We’ve been accepting immigrants for the last 600 years and more. Do your research on Agincourt and you will find an equal disproportion of immigrants in Henry’s army. For god’s sake, someone in authority in this country needs the guts to tell the Germans to shut up.


Nick Robinson to be the new face of Jim Naughty on the Today program?  Wasn’t he the man who proudly revealed in his memoirs that he was head-hunted before the last election to become Milliband’s spin doctor.  I wonder what gave Labour the idea that he might be suitable? Doesn’t he work for the “impartial BBC”.  Well of course, if he did, he would not be a great candidate, but of course the truth is the Beeb are anything but impartial and Robinson has long nailed his left-liberal colours firmly to the mast. He would have been just the man for the job despite his claims that the offer gave him a chuckle and a totally unprovable claim that the Conservatives had made a similar offer some years earlier. But then he would say that, wouldn’t he?


Staggering anti-German spin on the Greek bailout agreement. They lied about their original entry conditions, they subsequently utterly failed to keep to the conditions that every other euro-using county in the EU had to abide by, they failed to reform their taxation system, they defaulted year after year on their payments, their civil servants run on an outmoded, unworkable nepotistic system where it’s who you know and whose palm you grease if you want promotion rather than a meritocracy like ours. On an it goes…And now, because it’s easy to blame the Germans, they have somehow managed to portray themselves as victims. Completely outrageous. They could still have simply left the Euro and gone back to the Drachma. Overnight their tourist industry would have blossomed as the world piled into Greece for cheap and safe holidays in the sun. But no, they preferred to stay in and continue to milk the euro cow. If Britain was funding Greece to extent that Germany has been doing we would be cheering. What on earth is going on? If you can’t stand the heat of the European financial strictures, get out of the bloody kitchen.  Most of the rest of us are just about holding it all together and the fact is, had we elected a Labour government we would, in five years time of financial mismanagement, have been in exactly the same position that Greece is in now. And who were their greatest champions? The countries – above all France – whose own economies are close to bankruptcy. France is more than 95 billion euros in debt – 95 BILLION – and will itself one day face the prospect of defaulting.  No bloody wonder the left-wing ideologue Hollande was arguing the Greek cause.  As always, his apparent caring wittering on Greece’s behalf had nothing to do with giving a damn about the Greeks.  it was entirely to do with France’s own position as the largest country in the EU with its face permanently in the hand-out trough. Both France and Greece have an utterly corrupt, complacent civil service whose successive governments have shied away from the sort of reforms Margaret Thatcher instigated in Britain. In order to duck the possibility of the resulting unpopularity they have caved in to the unions and the result is slow-burn disaster. And Harperson had the nerve, the nerve to suggest that Osborne’s most recent budget was pandering to populism and his possible election as the next Conservative leader. That from a party whose policies are founded on a bedrock of irresponsible populism, dedicated to destroying the economic solvency of this country. The British Labour party, together with the governments that run Greece and France are a collection of irresponsible, naive, cynical exploiters of the so-called working classes they aspire to represent. Like over-indulgent parents, they run countries with a single aim – to be popular. They do not give a flying f—k that they create an irresponsible, undisciplined core of supporters who believe they are owed a living by those that are richer than they are. Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country? J. F. Kennedy, a Democrat, said it, but it takes an American meritocratic system to understand those sentiments without throwing a hissy fit. Good for Germany, good for Wolfgang Schaeuble. They had the drive to say enough is enough. This may be a “humiliation” for Tsipras  but it is a humiliation entirely of his own making and nothing to do with anyone else. If you ask to sit at the High Table, don’t bloody complain if the bill’s too expensive and claim you thought someone else is picking up the tab. Go eat at KFC.


I spent Sunday in this great capital city of ours shaking my head in wonder at the contrasts it offers in life and entertainment. Within a few hundred yards Schnitzel, my Jack Russell, and I watched a free performance in Trafalgar Square of some of the finest musicals currently playing in London, stood in amazement as a bonfire was lit on the road near the statue of Winston Churchill in Parliament Square and listened to a military band playing wartime songs in St James’s Park. Not bad for an afternoon’s fun, you must agree.

As we watched the casts of Thriller, Jersey Boys, Billy Eliot, Mamma Mia,The Lion King and Miss Saigon singing their hearts out on a stage in the shadow of Nelson’s column, thousands of disgruntled and largely foul-mouthed austerity protesters, determined to have their voices heard despite having been outvoted in a national election a month ago, filed past in the distance in a column of banners that took an hour to pass as they headed towards Whitehall. Sadly for them, however, any chants they were attempting went unheard by the hundreds listening to the musicals in Trafalgar Square, our enjoyment only somewhat spoilt by the two police helicopters buzzing overhead to monitor the demonstrators.

For four hours Schnitzel and I wandered amongst the crowds listening to the West End casts singing their hearts out in a joyous atmosphere, oblivious to the miserable protesters filing past the eastern periphery of the square.

Some time around 5.00 pm, before the performances had ended, I decided to walk down to Parliament Square to give Schnitzel a bit of exercise. As we waded through discarded placards, treading on their tired old “Tory Scum” sentiments, and past obscenities scrawled on the boarding that covered the Cenotaph to protect it from the demonstrators, it was immediately apparent that Schnitz and I had had the better afternoon. Rounding the corner we watched a bonfire being build out of the placards, stoked by a heavily tattooed man carrying a can of lager in one hand while flinging wooden staves onto the fire with the other. Taken in isolation it conjured up a scene from a post-apocalyptic horror movie, as police in high-viz jackets stood and watched, mingling with the crowd of mostly young onlookers, some of whom sported black balaclavas and face scarves to prevent their identification – to give themselves a spurious air of mystery, but more likely in case they appeared on television and were spotted by their employers on the evening news.

A fire engine was eventually summoned to put out the flames, although why the fire, which had been burning for a good half hour, had ever been permitted in the first place is an absolute mystery. I even asked one apparently senior policeman why they were allowing this in front of the seat of government, whereupon, clearly as a result of my indignation, he broke into a trot with a group of approaching coppers brandishing mini fire extinguishers and exclaimed: “We’re not”. Lucky I was there to hurry things along.

Thankfully the rain arrived shortly afterwards although not quite in time to prevent Russell Brand taking to a stage on the other side of the green. Mercifully few people paid any attention to him, preferring to watch the bonfire and the eventual arrival of the fire brigade.

Bored with the moaning of the disgruntled, I felt Schnitzel deserved a bit of a run in nearby St James’s Park. She had mingled with demonstration stranglers with increasing enthusiasm as it became apparent that along with their detritus a number of half eaten hot dogs and spilled crisps were to be hovered up. I think protests might become her favourite type of walk.

As we meandered into the park we heard the distant timpani of brass instruments and there among the trees we came upon a band of the Royal Green Jackets playing their hearts out beneath a circular canvas tent. What had once been a proper bandstand had to have its “stage” removed in the aftermath of the 1982 IRA bombing of a band of Green Jackets performing in Regents Park which killed seven band members and injured dozens of others along with members of the audience. But here they were, post IRA and a few hundred yards from the anarchic mayhem of Parliament Square, playing Vera Lynn tunes to a small audience that braved the light drizzle to listen to them. Schnitzel tore around the bandstand four or five times in sheer joy at having her faith in humanity restored, as the audience smiled indulgently at her antics. And all was well in London again. “Great city,” I said to a couple of policemen watching the spectacle. “300 yards away your colleagues are putting out a fire in Parliament Square and listening to calls for revolution, while here we are transported to a quintessentially English scene that could have taken place 50 years ago.  “We were just saying the same thing,” they said.



“Thousands sign petition calling for north of England to be part of Scotland,” cried the Guardian headline today. Shock, horror, we scream. Can this be true? Er, yes. So far 12,000 people among some 20 million in Manchester, Leeds, Newcastle, Liverpool and the rest of the area north of the Humber have signed a petition calling for the area to be made part of Scotland so that it can be ruled by the left-wing loony SNP (we demand everything and pay for nothing ‘cos we’re on Westminster life-support). 12,000. Yes, folks, that equals “thousands”, an underwhelming minority of disgruntled, sulky lefties who feel they should be allowed to live according to their laws with total disregard for the huge majority of the remainder of their fellow countrymen. Selfish, or what? And that’s what the Guardian believes is a news story worthy of national coverage. Well, along the with the anarchists who sought to trash Whitehall the day after the election and the rest of Britons who feel “unrepresented” in the recent democratic election – you are all totally welcome to move to Scotland. Better still, get a flight to North Korea. Everyone’s so equal there that even the rich political elite are being executed with anti-aircraft guns. It’s all good. Anarchists, the disgruntled, the chips-on-your-shoulders, the democracy-is-shit-brigade, the egotists, the selfish, the my-way-or-no-way lot – be our guests – simply leave for places where only people who think like you live and where only people allowed to think like you are allowed to live. Just leave the rest of us in peace to rub along together in a more tolerant world than you would ever want to inhabit. Au revoir, buddy.


The UK press ran almost twice as many article on issues that were negative for Labour as were positive, according to an utterly pointless Loughborough University study published by the (who else?) Guardian. The study tells us that 682 articles focused on issues negative for Ed Miliband compared with 358 that were positive while the Conservatives had 614 that were positive for the party compared to 502 that were negative..Headline for Guardian piece: “Labour gets almost half as much positive press coverage as Tories”. What on earth are they trying to prove here. That Miliband’s unpopular brand of socialism got more criticism than Cameron’s free market capitalism? The voters showed us that Labour were less popular, why should this not have been reflected in the press? Much more significant would be have been for the study to have pointed out that the Tories got nearly as many negative comments as they did positive, thus achieving a near perfect balance that reflected the voting patterns of society at large. Once again, the left-wing press and university luvvies seek to tailor statistics they even created themselves to try to show themselves at a media disadvantage. My puzzlement is why Miliband even reached 358 articles that were positive in a thoroughly off-message campaign that managed to hit almost every single available false political note. Whinge, whinge whinge, we woz robbed, cry the Milipeed fan club. The electorate didn’t understand us. OMG, move on mate, the bus has left the depot and there won’t be another along for at least five years, thank God.




What a wonderful day! It’s Cameron what did it. Outstanding performance from a decent, straight-talking, dignified Prime Minister who achieved what only a few truly believed he was capable of. A couple of weeks ago as I sat mourning the latest absurd opinion polls a conservative friend of mine said he believed we would win an outright majority. “It’s a funny thing,” he said “but the British public have pretty much got it right at every election since the war.” They voted Churchill out to create a desperately needed caring society for a broken nation after the war, they replaced the great Thatcher when we needed a gentler John Major and they voted in Tony Blair who, for his first few years in office, really did pull this nation together when the Tories could not find a leader to come anywhere near matching him. Cameron’s greatest problem will be to hold to his middle-ground policies and silence the knee-jerk, arrogant, right-wing of his party who continue to make people ashamed of admitting they will vote Conservative. It is they who caused the pollsters to get it seriously ‘arse about’, completely and utterly wrong, wrong, wrong. People have got to be empowered once again to declare that they are proud to be Conservative supporters. The Tories need to show that they understand the concerns of ordinary, decent, hard working people and reclaim that ground from the sanctimonious, mealy-mouthed Labour luddites.

To do that we rapidly need a serious tax on anyone who is not registered for taxation in Britain who buys homes here. They contribute nothing to our exchequer, are responsible for the ridiculous cost of high-end homes and its trickle-down effect and are hated by all. If necessary raise the tax on home purchases and sales but make this “surtax” reclaimable against income tax – if paid. Job done.

Put a stop to reckless immigration which only adds Labour sympathisers to the electorate and pisses off the vast, vast majority of people in this country.

Put an end to health tourism. We are sick and tired of sitting in hospital queues behind people who have never paid for the free service and cannot even be bothered to learn the language. No taxation without representation? No Bloody Registration Without Taxation, should be the new NHS slogan.

That’s the start. When you’ve done that, David, lad, we will be proud to say I VOTED CONSERVATIVE!


I notice today’s Times has a piece by its Berlin correspondent telling us that the Germans are beginning to see themselves as “victims” of the Nazis, just as we were, six million Jews were, the gypsies were, the communists were and the physically impaired were. “For the first time a younger generation of historians is examining reprisals (oh dear, naughty us!) committed by the Allies, the epidemic of German suicides and the displacement of 14 million Germans that accompanied the Nazi defeat”, The Times correspondent wrote.

Now, you’re thinking, “What on earth has this to do with our election?”

Well, as I sat there reading and re-reading this story, trying to make sense of the intricate double thinking, the 180 spin, the sheer audacity of it all, it occurred to me that if the Germans can do this to history with a straight face (and it must be said it’s been coming for a few years), no wonder Miliband can tell a few porkies about the state of the economy, the NHS and the glorious future sunrise that we would all be marching towards in a few days’ time if Labour got in – and have some of the British public believe him.

For months now I have been puzzling, nay perplexed, over how Miliband has been able to pull the wool over people’s eyes, how he has been able to turn the economic success story that the Conservatives have created for Britain into the low wage, NHS disaster of Labour’s Kremlin-speak. How has he been able to convince people that the economic miracle of today’s Britain with nigh full employment and zero inflation that is the envy of every industrialized country in the world, including and above all the US and fellow EU countries, is actually an economic basket case living on borrowed time?

And so it came to me, as I read this piece in The Times headlined “Germans no longer view the war as a defeat”. I realized that if the Germans can really believe this – that they were just victims like the rest of us of the Nazis, who were apparently not German at all but some form of alien, stateless transmogrification of human beings – if they can really believe that, well then what Miliband has achieved is actually peanuts. If the Germans can lie to themselves about such momentous and meticulously documented historical events, then Labour supporters can easily suspend rational analysis of the current economic situation in Britain and believe that Ed Miliband really could make things better. I get it now. It makes no sense to me, none whatsoever. But I understand that people can quite easily be made to believe lies if they are given enough time and repetition. If Germans can believe that their parents and grandparents were the victims of Nazis and not actually responsible for the industrial slaughter of millions and millions of innocent people in the ovens of their death camps, why shouldn’t a silly little man with pretensions to become Prime Minister of Britain be able to convince millions of people who want to believe him that his naive policies can actually benefit them while the policies that have already proved to benefit them have been an illusion.  Simples, Ask the Germans.


I despair, utterly, of pretty much all our so-called party leaders, apart, it must be said, from David Cameron whose statesman-like and dignified appearances have remained in keeping with the office he holds. As for the rest, their recent populist behavior, particularly that of the wretched Miliband who will do anything, it seems, to prostitute himself for a few more votes here or there, is a measure of spineless desperation. So disillusioned am I by their insincerity to any real political doctrine above the lust for power, that I wouldn’t mind tying the neck of the sack and chucking them in the canal with the kittens and the kitchen sink.

I’ve got to the point where I cannot even watch Miliband’s smarmy smile delivering yet another bare-faced lie about what the Conservatives are planning without raising my blood pressure to unacceptable levels. The day he callously courted the Muslim vote by announcing that he would recognize a Palestinian state if he gained power was, I thought, the final straw. I could not take any more. He clearly understands nothing about international politics, the importance of coordinated action by western powers or international diplomacy. By announcing his intention to tear up the rule book unilaterally on the highly delicate negotiations with Israel for the sake of pandering to a few domestic Muslim block votes and the usual ranting anti-Israeli, anti-Semitic rabble that parade up and down Kensington High street screaming abuse at the Israeli embassy and bringing traffic to a standstill in central London of a weekend was, for me, the low point in his lunge for power. Keeping company with the likes of George Galloway is the last thing you want from a pretender to the Premiership of Britain.

That having been said, it turned out that he has even more outrageous stage gestures up his sleeve (no surprise there i suppose). Yesterday’s Evening Standard showed him photographed emerging from Russell Brand’s home which he had, apparently, visited in order to gain himself some ‘street cred’ with the anarchist, disenchanted mob that attends the comedian’s occasional forays into political life. How Brand, the former heroin addict and egomaniac who will do anything for a headline, got a man who would be Prime Minister of this country to court him in his own home is staggering. Brand calls on his moronic followers to boycott the election and Miliband thinks these people are the sort he would like to vote for him. His moral and intellectual compass (if ever he had either) is clearly bust. This is a man, after all, who forgot to register the name of his first son’s birth for 16 months, didn’t marry his current wife until it was pointed out to him that it might be useful to do so if he wanted to win an election and shafted his own brother in his lunge for power. Why on earth should his visit to Brand be seen as anything but in keeping with his previous lack of standards? Sorry, my mistake.

His raft of promises, the latest of which was the lifting of Stamp Duty for homes under £300,000 in an effort to court the ‘youff’ vote, simply cannot be funded without major tax rises which Miliband refuses to talk about. He has got to the point where he will clearly promise anything and claim anything if he thinks it will get him votes.

Doubling council tax on second homes may be Clegg’s idea, but it won’t be long before Miliband locks onto that one like he did the Mansion tax. Clegg’s attempt to curry favour with Devon and Cornwall voters who blame second homes for raising the cost of their own house prices is a shoe-in for Labour. There is not a single country in the western world where second homes are regarded as the redoubt of the rich to be targeted with more and more taxes. Even the Russians at the height of their Communist dictatorship were allowed dachas in the countryside to visit at weekends. Even the socialist states of Scandinavia do not penalize the millions who have second homes on the fjords. What kind of Britain are these people creating? What kind of knee-jerk hatred of anyone with money are these people preaching? It really might be time to leave if the left gains powered here because the chances are they will never let go again.



“The UK and the UK economy has done a wonderful job in the last couple of years and I think that the UK and George Osborne have a very good plan for the future” Wolfgang Schaeuble, German Finance Minister April 17, 2015


“When you look at the comparative growth rates delivered by various countries in Europe, it’s obvious that what is happening in the UK has actually worked”

Christine Lagarde, Head of the IMF April 17, 2015





Nicola Sturgeon, representing one of the most under-populated segments of land in Europe, telling us about the benefits of immigration while seeking to erect a border between Scotland and the rest of Britain was just about one of the more absurd moments in last night’s debate. Then Milliband, to watery applause, accused Farage of wanting to “exploit people’s fears rather than solve them”. Prrrlease! And this from a man who brings you a daily litany of fictitious horror stories about the impending cuts to the NHS and its imminent collapse. On and on they droned and one has to say, if it weren’t for Farage’s comedy stints, we’d have had to switch over. And then he came at us, out of the blue corner, Farage, the Jeremy Clarkson of British politics, fists almost flying, called Miliband a liar. “You’re lying about the NHS, you’re lying, you’re lying, you’re lying”. Fantastic, and of course he was and does, regularly lie about a range of things. Farage says the things that other politicians dare not speak because he will never be Prime Minister, but we are all quietly grateful for the laughs and the sharp intakes of breath as he strains credulity. He’s unelectable in a way that Clarkson can no longer work on Top Gear, but he’s marvelously entertaining in a sea of largely monotonous and predictable debating last night. “The real audience is sitting at home,” he said near the start, accusing the BBC of recruiting a biased audience and instantly alienating the one group of people that even a child performer knows they have to have on their side. You’ve got to admire the bloke.

“This election is about getting rid of the Tories,” said the Sturgeon. That’s odd. And there’s us thinking it was about Labour and the SNP wanting to run Britain and promising not to run negative campaigns. And talking of negativity, we noticed yesterday’s Guardian compared Cameron’s absence from last night’s debate to Roy Hattersley’s refusal to go on Have I got News for You in 1993 and reminded those of us who failed to recall this momentous occasion (not) that he was replaced by a tub of lard. The Guardian suggested we might take the role of the tub of lard at home by filling in Cameron’s responses ourselves. Not necessary, really. Dear old Farage was an admirable tub of lard in the sense that he provided the only real opposition to the rest of the assembled chorus. Miliband’s replies were pretty standard and repetitive as he harped on in the first person about all the things “I” was going to do for the “working man”. The Labour Party hardly gets a look in when he’s around. And get this – his refusal to bomb Syria was even taken up by President Obama (yes, he really did say that). Way to go Mili, but what on earth are you on, man? Miliband and Farage, one-man bands. Not so much representing political parties, more a couple of people feeding massive egos. And finally there was Trident, with Sturgeon and the Greens wittering on about why we don’t need it since it’s never going to be used. Yeah, like ISIS is never going to push the button the second it gets hold of a state with nuclear capability? These people are so naïve they make Chamberlain’s guarantee of peace in our time on the eve of WW II seem almost realistic.



Marvellous news Sportsfans. Fame at last, as they say. We could go viral at any moment…and you were with me from the beginning. Respect. We were contacted yesterday by Channel 4 news, that well-known liberal-left news outlet fronted by John (don’t bogart that joint) Snow. Could I tell them, they asked, who was running my site and another one called Pestminster. “People are wondering,” they claimed.

Fantastic! And there was I thinking no one’s really reading my stuff. But why do you ask, says I, coming over all flummoxed-like. It appears my blog has been set up by the same company that set up another political blog and Channel 4 are” suspicious”, that they are in fact related. “ I’m suspicious why you would contract a design firm to make a blog. Though the cartoons are terrific,” says Channel 4. I’m purring slightly now. “I’m willing to respect your anonymity. So my only question is – if you’re not running the site, who is?” I told the lad I commissioned my own blog and write it. Why wouldn’t I? I’m not being run by anyone but am grateful for any publicity he can give me. He assured me I would remain anonymous since, as I explained, it gives me greater liberty to write what I want (we’ll see if he keeps his word). Apparently Channel 4’s interests were aroused by a piece in this week’s Spectator along similar lines. Odd bedfellows, the Speccie and Channel 4, but they’re both convinced there’s a conspiracy of Tories here. They simply cannot believe that more than one blogger would feel passionate enough to support the Conservative Party. Odd that, but with a bit of luck more papers will take up the theme and yours truly will become a by-word in salons throughout. Trouble is I might have to up the output and frankly, I’m a bit lazy there.




We’ve certainly had a few wonderful Aaaaaaah! moments, as my friend calls them, during this campaign. There was Harriet Harperson’s pink Barbie Bus, Ed’s Two Kitchens, Ed eating a bun, Ed who doesn’t listen to the news and Natalie Bennett on LBC stammering her way through a “car crash” interview. We’ve had Ed Balls failing to remember the name of his party’s biggest donor just after having dinner with him and Farage’s HIV immigrant moment. But I do believe that Ruth Cadbury, Labour candidate for Brentford and Isleworth, interviewed in Chiswick last night, is among the most extended Aaaaaaaaah! moments this election has experienced. So special is this interview that it really does bear repetition word for word to be able to savour its full flavor.

Asked by a cub reporter to respond to what is in itself both the most obvious, boring and therefore simplest question for any politician to answer (“What are the key policies in your manifesto?”), Cadbury replies as follows:

“Ummm. (Laughs). Sorry, repeat (laughs and disappears off-screen to ask aide what Labour’s key policies are while reporter repeats question. Comes into shot again giggling and sighing.)

Cadbury: “I can’t remember. Oh God, sorry (Laughs).

Reporter: “You need to check them. That’s not great.

Cadbury: “I do need to check them. I mean I’m reading them every day. Eh, eh, sorry. They, they (giggles).

Reporter: “Labour’s key policies”

Cadbury: Labour’s key policies. Um.. the absolute core policy is to balance the books and we can only, we have to, we have to balance the books. We have to support the NHS we have to ensure that our schools and our young people are, are supported and all young people can get employment. (smiles tragically).

Audience collapses in hysterics as millions of floating voters finally make up their minds.

Bookies panic across London as Cadbury’s 2/9 odds on favourite to win Brentford & Isleworth evaporate. How could anyone possibly, possibly, possibly vote for such a candidate? You couldn’t make it up.



The Labour/SNP coalition has announced that income tax will be charged on a simple band reflecting a percentage of income starting at 30% for anyone earning £30,000 per year, 40% for those earning £40,000 per year and rising to a maximum of 90% for those earning £90,000 and above. Anyone vandalising a vehicle worth more than £60,000 will not face charges under the “Deterrence Against Earning Enough Money to be Classed as Rich” law, introduced in the wake of the Mansion Tax to target any person deemed to have financial means that puts them in the TTB (Top Ten percent Bracket). The price of Champagne is to quadruple under VAT tax supplement laws targeting any types of food or drink costing more than £25 for a single item to include such items as lobsters above a certain weight, crab and other “exotic” foods. Clothes costing more than £500 at point of purchase for a single item, such as suits and women’s dresses, will be taxed at 50%.

Well, obviously, I’m kidding – for the time being at least – but you take my point, I hope. There really is no actual limit to number of populist laws Labour can dream up during the course of a five-year tenure. I spent much of my life working in Eastern Europe and the Soviet Union where, during the 60-odd years of Soviet-inspired Communism, I regularly took taxis driven by surgeons and doctors from the local hospital who earned more per diem behind the wheel than they did performing brain operations and curing the sick. Had they not believed their medical-related job to be a vocation, they’d have taxi-ed full-time. Stalin was all about populism and attacking the rich and privileged. It’s the wave of envy and hatred on which he rose to power. Communism remained popular for a few years while the rich were dying out but its legacy was in creating societies where the only people with money were politicians, their appointees and criminals while the rest spent their lives doing as little as possible in their jobs while milking a system in which everyone, whatever their skills, was effectively paid the same.

The Labour party under Ed Miliband is espousing the values of the failed Labour governments of Harold Wilson and Jim Callaghan where the top rate of tax was 90%, Trades Unions dictated government policy, there was mass unemployment and you were not allowed to take more than £50 out of the country in a single year to spend on holidays. Almost every day we hear Miliband announce another populist measure – non-doms to pay tax, scrap Trident (only a matter of time), tax expensive homes, raise corporation tax – etc. etc. while none of it takes account of the actual financial cost to the nation. The “rich” will pay for everything. Labour under Miliband has become a party of political Luddites yearning for a past that never existed and waging what in economic terms will become a pyric victory if they ever got close to power.