“Thousands sign petition calling for north of England to be part of Scotland,” cried the Guardian headline today. Shock, horror, we scream. Can this be true? Er, yes. So far 12,000 people among some 20 million in Manchester, Leeds, Newcastle, Liverpool and the rest of the area north of the Humber have signed a petition calling for the area to be made part of Scotland so that it can be ruled by the left-wing loony SNP (we demand everything and pay for nothing ‘cos we’re on Westminster life-support). 12,000. Yes, folks, that equals “thousands”, an underwhelming minority of disgruntled, sulky lefties who feel they should be allowed to live according to their laws with total disregard for the huge majority of the remainder of their fellow countrymen. Selfish, or what? And that’s what the Guardian believes is a news story worthy of national coverage. Well, along the with the anarchists who sought to trash Whitehall the day after the election and the rest of Britons who feel “unrepresented” in the recent democratic election – you are all totally welcome to move to Scotland. Better still, get a flight to North Korea. Everyone’s so equal there that even the rich political elite are being executed with anti-aircraft guns. It’s all good. Anarchists, the disgruntled, the chips-on-your-shoulders, the democracy-is-shit-brigade, the egotists, the selfish, the my-way-or-no-way lot – be our guests – simply leave for places where only people who think like you live and where only people allowed to think like you are allowed to live. Just leave the rest of us in peace to rub along together in a more tolerant world than you would ever want to inhabit. Au revoir, buddy.